After accepting the offer to adopt, we began having videoconferences with the staff from Seg. Social in our part of the country, as well as representatives from the region in which the children were located. This was mainly to get introduced, discuss the next steps, get more information about the children etc. Later personnel from the orphanage was added to the conversations, which gave us the possibilty to learn about how the children were reacting to life in an orphanage, how is everyday life there, what were their dreams, hopes and expectations etc.
Simultaneusly a process started around the children, to prepare them for the next big step in their life: to be adopted and leave the orphanage. They would prepare a mental “backpack” to bring with them – and deal with thoughts about the past, as well as worries about the future.
These processes take time and at times it was frustrating for us that we could not just go and meet the children (which is pretty much all that was on our minds after we said yes). But everything is done with the wellbeing of the children in mind and the caretakers involved were super professional and always there if we had questions or needed a talk. I am sure this was the right way to do it.
Introduction phase
Finally it was time to start interacting directly with the children. Step one was to prepare a physical album with short texts and lots of pictures, about us, our family, our home, the surroundings etc. As a human from the “cold North” I was surprised when we sent the social workers our draft version and they replied that instead of writing our names on the pages about each of us, we should write “mum” and “dad”. That I cannot imagine happening in Denmark…. I guess it would be something like “if over the years the child wishes to call you dad, you can decide together” etc. But not here in a warm latin country. Here it is Mum and dad from day one….
The albums were sent to the kids along with the news that they were going to be adopted. Their reactions were carefully observed and analysed, then first questions and then small introduction videos was sent back and forth to be able to associate sound and movement on the person etc. Then onto video calls: at first together with the staff at the orphanage and then just us and the kids. Sometimes all of them, sometimes one by one. It was a lot of contact with ever-increasing frequency, to prepare us all for the exciting next step: to actually meet each other.
Meeting and activities
Finally the day came where we headed up to the orphanage in the mountains, to be with the kids in their surroundings. The plan was to stay in a house for 10-12 days while being more and more together with the childen. In the end we would bring them home with us.
Luckily a dear friend of ours has a vacation house in the area, so we had a place that actually felt very much like home, instead of an anonymous AirBnB. A program had been put together by the social workers and over the coming days we spend increasing amount of time together. In-between of the activities, we also got to talk to all the other people who were close to the children; psychologist, assistant teacher, speech therapist and a local support family who had taken the kids in for weekend activities and vacations.
After a few days of exploring the nature, playgrounds and villages nearby, we went of on daytrips to bigger cities, amusement parks, Zoo’s etc. We also got to do everyday things such as take them to the hairdresser, make lunches at home and go out for dinners. After a week they slept over in our house and every day it felt more and more like a family.
Home sweet home! (Pre-adoption phase)
Finally, after some 10 days of introduction period, we had a farewell party at the orphanage. Then it was time to pack kids, clothes, toys, books, schoolbags etc. in the car and head home. Time to start our new life together.
We had a two weeks period to ourselves, before they were going back to school and us to work. The first week flew by with just getting used to their rooms, the house, the garden, the dogs, the everyday life, shopping, the how-do-we-do-things here in the house and slowly building up routines that would suit all of us. The next week went fast as well, exploring the surroundings and getting introduced to a few of our family members.
The children are very active and love outdoor activities. So the first purchase was bicycles and helmets for all. We have sinced enjoyed many hours in the saddle and done some training to ride in traffic. The plan is to go on summer vacation on bicycles and explore one of the “Ecopistas” that have been build on old traintracks. They run through wild nature and the old train stations have eating and sleep-over possibilities. Bicycling is a great family activity we can highly recommend!
Formally this is the pre-adoption phase. We have full responsibility for the children – but the formally custody of the children is still with the portuguese state. We have a support team from Seg. Social we can talk to anytime and about anything.
After a period of +/- 6 months, we all go to court and the formal custody is handed over to us. From then one we are on our own…….
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