From Zero to Three. Adopting siblings in Portugal

How to adopt children in Portugal? Where does one start? What is required? What to expect? Warning: long post ahead

Who can adopt in Portugal?

• A couple (Portuguese or foreign citizens), from same or different sexes who live in Portugal and have been married or in a non-marital relationship for at least 4 years and who are both above 25 y.o. and below 61 y.o.
  
  
• An individual who is above 30 y.o. (above 25 y.o. if the child to adopt is the child of the person you are married to) and below 61 y.o. His/her status can be single, widowed, married or in a non-marital relationship.

If the adopters are already 60 years old, they may only adopt if:

• the child or adolescent has been entrusted to them before they turn 61 y.o. or
• the child is the child of the person to whom the adopter is married.

The age differences between the adopter and the adopted may not be higher than 50 years (which is only acceptable in special situations).

Note: We did the process in portuguese. It requires a certain level of speaking and understanding but it might be available in english also (you may find useful info on https://eportugal.gov.pt/en/servicos/adotar-uma-crianca)

Approval process

The first step is to become approved as adoptive parents. This process is started by attending an information meeting in which social workers will explain about the process and the life as adoptive parents. The meeting was took around two and a half hours and we were around 10 couples attending.

Then you hand in a formal application, along with some documents (copy of ID papers, wedding certificate, criminal record etc). When pre-approved, the real process begins. It includes

• Several sessions with psycologists and social workers, in which you go through your entire life story (and your family tree), your personality, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses, hopes and expectations etc. It is a very interesting phase where you get to learn a lot about yourself. We felt we were in extremely professional and competent hands all the way.
  
  
• Sessions in which the couple is interviewed together about being a couple, everyday life together, views on each others strengths and weaknesses, expectations for famliy life etc.
  
  
• Written assignments ranging from visualising and explaining your family tree, to how you would react in specific situations.
  
  
• There are also sessions in which several couples attend together. Here you get to work on real/realistic scenarios with troubled kids, which includes tough dilemmas. Teamwork with others on how to react and deal with these situations was very interesting and useful.
  
  
• We also got the possibility to meet couples who have already adopted, hear their stories and experiences and ask all the questions.
  
  
• A really tough part is deciding on what kind of child/children you would be interested in. We were handed a comprehensive questionnaire with all sorts of questions relating to physical and mental health, experiences, defficiencies, age, gender and even color + race/ethnicity(!)

This phase is suppose ot take around 6 months but due to COVID it ended up being closer to a year before we got informed that we had been approved for a three-year period (after which we would need to redo parts of the process to remain in the list). Along with this information we were also told that we needed to be patient; many people end up waiting more than the three years….

Waiting time – and a total surprise

It was exactly one year after we got approved that we received a phone call from Seg. Soc. while we were cruising the local construction shop, looking for bits and pieces. Due to our age, we had noted that we were interested in two siblings (as adopting one would mean having to redo the entire process if we wanted to adopt another + we liked the idea of two siblings being able to entertain each other).

We were told that there was siblings available who would be a very good match for us and they would like to include us in a group of potential parents which they would then go through and pick out the better mach for the kids – and would we be interested in being selected to this group. There was a “but” to the story; it was not two but three siblings, in the age 7 to 10 y.o.

We were totally unprepared but positively overwhelmed by the possibility of maybe becoming parents so fast. So we had serious a chat next to a portable costruction site-style toilet, on sale for 1129 € – and agreed to say yes “since we would propably not be selected anyway” + “we could always say no if we were selected and decided three was too much to handle”.

Soon after we got the call saying that all involved entities had agreed that we were the best match for the kids and we were invited to Seg. Soc. to read through the entire case they had on the kids. Evaluations from psychologists, social workers, schools. Court documents. Family history. etc. etc. It was a lot to digest but we both had the same feeling at the end of that day: this was the kids for us. No doubt. And since we had zero experience with bringing up kids, how big a difference could it be from two to three………?