Are kids who spend a long time in institutions different? I believe they are and it has implications, both good and problematic, on their behaviour and personality. Here are some examples where I believe living in an institution has effected our kids.
Social & open-minded
Accustomed to being around multiple kids, they have no fear of interaction and they are perfect ice-breakers. If we take them to a park or a playground, they will find friends within minutes and play with them for the rest of the time we are there. Also they are very openminded when kids are different and they very seldom judge anyone. They just have fun in whatever way is possible, without bullying (and then maybe later will shoot a comment like “gee… that kid was a bit special”). I think this is an immense strength that must come from having been around many types of emotionally and mentally challenged kids – and I hope they will bring this open mind with them into adulthood.
Rock solid
They are not fragile. Since they play rough and enjoy any kind of physical activity, they often come home with scratches and bruises. They are remarkably fast to get over it and see patches and band aids as medals to be proud of, so there are no cry babies here. It reminds me of my own childhood in the danish countryside climbing trees, riding bicycles and building imaginary things out of whatever was around. I am very happy for every day they get to explore outdoor life, as I know that some day the screen will suck them into the virtual world of sitting in a sofa with the eyes glued to a smartphone (the old one already got bitten by this entertain me bug) – and I want to avoid this for as long as possible.
Happy with whatever
The level of happiness when receiving a present, is exactly the same whether it is a fancy branded item, a cheap look-ailke from the chinese shop or a second hand item from an “already loved” store. They are just genuienly happy to be awarded the joy of unwrapping something.
This also means going shopping for f.ex a pair of shoes is incredicly simple: they go straight to the cheapest shelves in Decathlon and love what they see. Same story if we go somewhere: A trip to an expensive adventure park is cool. But so is riding the bicycles together and stop by a playground. And a picnic in the forest is just as good as a lunch at a Pizzaria.
…of course there are also some more challenging trades which has taken us some effort (and still does) to “reprogram” 🙂 such as:
Lack of respect for things
In institutions toys come and go. They are shared by many kids, some more rough than others – and eventually they will break. So the way they deal with things in general are a bit “enjoy it while it lasts” and “why care, it might be broken next time I want to play with it”. Also this might be affected by that they generally play a bit more rough than other kids. It has taken a lot of repetitive pedagogical effort (with the occasional “aaarghh come on and learn this for f… christ sake” screaming) to get them to think about how carelessly breaking a toy now has consequences later on, as it will no longer be there to provide joy.
It is mine mine mine
If you don’t own anything and then suddently have things that are yours – then you hold on to them with your life. I understand this reaction and guess it is natural when you grow up in an environment where the entire world of “your things” can fit into a drawer in the bedtable. Especially the older one has taken this to a whole new level where she will ask to buy f.ex. a toothpaste and then keep it in her room so noone else can use it. We try very hard to teach them that sharing is way better for them as they will f.ex. have way more toys if they can use each others, than if they stick to their own. (Three people has 5 ideas each. If they share, they each have 15 etc)
Enough of my pocket philsophying. It is Sunday and I have three impatient small people running around asking when we are going for a bike ride. So see ya! 🙂